How Do I Get You Alone?
by thenightcircus
Summary: Jace and the gang are out on the town ... without Clary. Will she profess her secret love to Jace? Or will it remain in her heart? HEART songfic.
1. Chapter 1

**Let's pretend that Clary and Jace haven't gotten together yet… but Alec and Magnus have. I decided that I change it up a little bit and stray away from what C.C. has done. AND, as a cherry on top, Downworlders are allowed into the Institute. Teehee! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Mortal Instruments.**

* * *

CLARY POV:

I sat inside the Institute in New York City and tried to concentrate on the book I was reading. My thoughts turned to Jace. Everyone had gone out to Pandemonium, that stupid club. Well, it was the club that changed my life. For the better or the worse, I'm not sure. I had a HUGE crush on Jace and I was contemplating telling him the truth.

_I hear the ticking of the clock_

And it was damn annoying. I turned my attention back to my book. But that damn ticking was just TICK TICK TICK TICK. Gosh…

_I'm lying here, the room's pitch dark_

I realised that I couldn't see the book I was attempting to read. I turned on the table lamp next to me.

__

I wonder where you are tonight

No answer on the telephone

I was beginning to get worried. They had promised to be home an hour ago and there was no sign of them. I had called Izzy a couple of times. I had even attempted to call Alec and Magnus.

__

And the night goes by so very slow

Oh I hope that it won't end though

Alone

If they didn't come home soon, I didn't know what I would do. Go out after them? Or stay at the Institute? I hadn't had a lot of training yet and I wasn't confident in my skills. Nobody was; that always makes me feel good when I think about that.

* * *

_Till now I always got by on my own_

Simon was always there to catch me when I fell.

_I never really cared until I met you_

Now I know I can independent. Maybe I can be as independent as Izzy… but maybe not in that way.

__

And now it chills me to the bone

How do I get you alone

How do I get you alone

"I just want to tell you something!" I pretended like I was talking to Jace. "You just have to detach that girl from your arm so I can just *pulls girl off* tell you one little thing…"

* * *

_You don't know how long I have wanted_

_to touch your lips and hold you tight_

I mean it's not like I even get to be alone with you ever. Someone is always there to distract you. Either that or you're reading or going somewhere. Please just take a break for a second…

__

You don't know how long I have waited

and I was going to tell you tonight

But you keep avoiding me.

__

But the secret is still my own

and my love for you is still unknown

Because I don't think you like me very much.

_Alone_

* * *

Till now I always got by on my own

With Simon by my side.

_I never really cared until I met you_

Nobody made me feel special like you do.

_And now it chills me to the bone_

I need you to make me feel warm, even if it's just on the inside.

__

How do I get you alone

How do I get you alone

I heard everybody walk in the door. They were laughing and going on. I jumped from my perch and almost tripped over Church the cat. I skipped down the stairs and greeted them as the made their way down the hall to the kitchen. I walked with them quietly and occasionally laughed at a joke or a funny story. It was around 1 a.m. that everyone started to part ways. Magnus pecked Alec on the cheek and he blushed a deep crimson. Magnus walked casually out of the kitchen and down the hall. I heard the door slam. Alec had shown him to the door. Izzy stretched, said a short good night, and left the kitchen as well. Jace started to get up and walk away when I grabbed his wrist. He glanced down at me, amused. "What?"

"I just have to talk to you," I muttered. He sat back down. I took a deep breath and began speaking. "I wanted to tell you that I think that-" I was cut off when Izzy poked her head around the door.

"Are you coming Jace?" He nodded.

"Night Clary," he said.

"Night," I muttered. I stood up and watched him turn the corner. I felt tears well up in my eyes.

__

Alone

Alone

"I love you," I finally finished my sentence.

* * *

**Another SongFic up! Yes! The song I used was written and sung by Heart. It's called "Alone". One of my fav songs. RnR?**

**Jace: Don't flatter yourself.**

**aeromaiden: Shut your trap!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hiya! The song is Secret by Heart. And I don't own the Mortal Insruments series... **

**This is turning into a Heart songfic too! I have the rest of the story planned out and all of the songs are by Heart! *jumps for joy***

* * *

CLARY POV:

Jace had walked away without turning back. I didn't get to tell him that I loved him. I had lost all, if any, confidence in myself, and had lost all of the courage I had mustered up to tell him my secret. So I decided to keep it that way: _a secret. _

I slowly dragged my feet across the Institute floor to my room and opened the wooden door quietly. I plopped down onto my bed and fell asleep instantly, not even bothering to change into my pyjamas. I had a dream…

**(A/N: Queue dream sequence!)**

**

* * *

**

_We lead two different lives_

You are a top-notch Shadowhunter. I'm a nerdy girl who hangs out on the sidelines of life.

_Just like two lines that never cross_

Exactly. People like you aren't supposed to hang out with people like me. Let alone live in the same

house…

_And here we are together_

And I don't know why.

_Standing closer than we are_

Emotionally. I honestly don't think you care at all about me.

_But we're still standing here untouched_

I feel like you're across the continent, instead of sitting next to me in the kitchen.

_Too scared to make a move_

Ahhhh alas, I have no courage or confidence.

_We want so much to touch_

Well, at least I do…

_And we can't wait forever_

I know I can't.

_We know it's dangerous_

_For us to be together_

One of us will eventually get killed or some crazy mundane will come along and sweep him off his feet.

* * *

__

How do we ever keep this secret

More like just me.

_How do we keep it in the dark_

How do I keep YOU in the dark…?

_And if we dare to taste our weakness_

Maybe one day the courage will come back.

_How could we tear ourselves apart_

I would never take you for granted.

_Why do we keep this love together_

Why can't I be like Izzy?

_Didn't we know right from the start_

_That we would have to keep this secret_

_Or forever stay apart_

In other words, it's up to me.

* * *

__

I watch you coming to me

Wait… this isn't right.

_Walking in the pouring rain_

OhmyGod…

_I can't help looking at you_

I must be dreaming.

_Wishing I could stay away_

I can feel the courage inside of me!

_So many times I've tried in vain_

Yeah, that sounds about right.

_To close my eyes and pray it goes away_

Yeah, that's right too.

_But I can't stop myself from feeling_

Right-er-oony.

_To let you go would be too much_

_For me to take_

Because I love you that much!

* * *

__

How do we ever keep this secret

Maybe one day you'll find out.

_How do we keep it in the dark_

If only I could draw a box and lock my love for you in it.

_And if we dare to taste our weakness_

Then, I'd take that box

_How could we tear ourselves apart_

And I'd give it to you.

_Why do we keep this love together_

_Didn't we know right from the start_

_That we would have to keep this secret_

_Or forever stay apart_

If my box doesn't work, I'll die and never know what could have been…

* * *

__

I can't help thinking

About you all the time.

_When I look into your eyes_

I only see myself.

_How much I need you_

_It's so hard to hide_

I'm going to tell you!

* * *

__

How do we ever keep this secret

I'm not keeping it a secret any longer!

_How do we keep it in the dark_

It's day light outside!

_And if we dare to taste our weakness_

I'm the weakest of them all!

_How could we tear ourselves apart_

I'm like glue!

_Why do we keep this love together_

Because we can!

_Didn't we know right from the start_

Yes I did!

_That we would have to keep this secret_

Nobody likes a bad secret…

_or forever stay apart._

Not gonna happen!

* * *

I woke up with a start. Light streamed in through the window, blinding me. I blinked as I tried to make it to my washroom without tripping over anything. Too late! I fell over my dresser and did a face plant on the cold floor. I pushed myself up. That was going to leave a nasty bruise.

I found a change of clothes in said dresser and made it to the washroom with minimal casualties. I managed to drag a brush threw the frizz I call hair and pulled it back into a ponytail. It looked quite nice.

I used the courage I had gained from my dream to walk down the stairs almost confidently. The key word being _almost. _There was still a voice deep down in the cockles of my heart that said that I couldn't do it. That voice suddenly became very prominent.

Everyone was in the kitchen when I arrived. Izzy turned her head from what she was concocting on the stove and hollered a huge 'Good morning, Sunshine!' at me and motioned for me to take a seat. The only seat left was next to Jace. YES! Clary the Coward was making a visit today!

Magnus had decided to join us for breakfast. HE and Alec nodded at me and went back to their conversation. Jace turned to me from the book he was reading and said, "So what did you want to tell me last night?"

Oh Angel he wanted to know. "Oh it was nothing."

I chickened out at the last moment. So much for no Clary the Coward.

* * *

**Oh poor Clary! So I decided to turn from a one shot into a four shot (is that even a fanfic term?)! kjs2259, because you asked me to, here ya go! My present to you! Shadowhunt on, aeromaiden.**

**Alec: You are so full of yourself.**

**aeromaiden: You're just upset you're not the main character! *shoves Izzy's cooking down throat***

**Alec: *swallows food* tell… my parents…*gasps**clutches throat* that I love them! *falls off chair***

**aeromaiden: That's pathetic. *rolls eyes* RnR?**


	3. Chapter 3

CLARY POV:

So my love for Jace was going to be a secret. I know I thought that I was going to tell him this morning but it just wasn't going to happen anymore. But I would never know if he liked me back if I never told him.

That alone was a motivator to buck up and tell him, but my subconscious told me 'no' so I did nothing. I just dwelt on the fact that he would move on from New York eventually and probably move to Idris and find some pretty girl who has freakin' awesome fighting abilities and-

This wasn't helping me. I needed to escape. I moved from my place on my bed and opened the door to reveal Jace with his hand poised to knock. He smiled. I looked… I think I looked depressed.

"Izzy said to get you for lunch." Angel, he sounded almost smug. _Smug. _

"Not hungry." I brushed past him and made my way to the staircase so I could get to the library. He didn't grab my shoulder like I wanted him to, and ask me what was wrong. He, in turn, just brushed past me and jogged down the stairs. Sigh.

I dragged my feet down the stairs and then I dragged my feet down the hall and then I dragged my feet into the library and then I dragged my feet to the bookshelf and then I dragged my feet to the window seat. It was pouring outside. Today was a happy day, really it was.

I opened the book: Julius Caesar. I started reading the Shakespearean literature and made it to the Act IV before Izzy poked her head around the door. "Hey Clary. We're going out again. Wanna come with?" She walked around the door; she was wearing a tight red dress with orange flecks and black stilettos. She had heavy make-up on so she looked like Paris Hilton on steroids. I thought make-up was supposed to make you look natural…?

"No thanks. I'm not feeling well," I replied. I turned my eyes back to my book and heard her heels click away. The heavy front entrance doors banged loudly as they were slammed shut. Alone again.

* * *

_Spare a little candle, save some light for me. _

I forgot to turn the light on again. I reached over to the table beside me and flicked on the lamp.

_Figures up ahead moving in the trees. _

I watched as Izzy, Alec, Jace and Magnus with his shiny spiked hair, walked down to the street and hailed a cab.

_White skin in linen, perfume on my wrist, _

More like pale skin in a wool sweater and a nothing on my wrist. Does deodorant count?

_And the full moon that hangs over these dreams in the mist._

I could barely see the moon through the rain and the clouds; only a faint outline shining through.

_

* * *

_

Darkness on the edge, Shadows where I stand

The lamp cast scary shadows onto the library floor. I was actually kind of creeped out. Jace would probably laugh at me if he knew…

_I search for the time on a watch with no hands,_

The ticking of the clock on the wall was just as annoying as yesterday. I took the initiative to get up from the book and pushed a chair up against the wall and climbed up. Damnit. I wasn't tall enough. I grabbed a few books and piled them up onto the wooden chair. It was quite wobbly. _Very wobbly. _The book fell over and I came crashing to the floor. I hit my head on the side of the table and lay on the floor unmoving. I could faintly hear footsteps rushing towards me.

_I want to see you clearly, Come closer than this_

They ran over to me. I heard them saying my name. I couldn't see them though…

_But all I remember are the dreams in the mist_

I faded into the blackness.

* * *

__

These dreams go on when I close my eyes.

I could hear but where were they?

_Every second of the night, I live another life. _

This can't be happening to me…

_These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside, _

I opened my eyes, just barely conscious.

_Every moment I'm awake, the further I'm away._

No one was there. Everyone had left. No one…

_

* * *

_

Is it cloak and dagger, could it be Spring or Fall?

Every thought was running together, I couldn't get them straight.

_I Walk without a cut through a stained-glass wall._

I kept hearing their voices, close up and then far away.

_Weaker in my eyesight, a candle in my grip, _

My vision was getting blurry, fading in and out.

_And words that have no form are falling from my lips._

I was mumbling, no screams. I had no energy for that.

_

* * *

_

These dreams go on when I close my eyes.

I slipped back into unconsciousness again momentarily.

_Every second of the night, I live another life. _

I had to get up, I had to call somebody.

_These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside, _

I could feel the blood pooling around my head, neck and shoulders. I was so scared.

_Every moment I'm awake, the further I'm away._

I could die here.

_

* * *

_

There's something out there I can't resist.

My phone was in my pocket. If only I could get it.

_I need to hide away from the pain. _

It felt like my head was dipped in acid, like it was being eaten away by fire.

_There's something out there I can't resist._

Please God, let me just call Jace…

_

* * *

_

The sweetest song is silence that I've ever heard.

I reached my phone and found Jace's speed dial number. I could hear the dial tone.

_Funny how your feet in dreams never touch the Earth. _

He answered but his voice seemed so far away again.

_In a wood full of princes, freedom is a kiss. _

I mumbled into the receiver…

_But the Prince hides his face from dreams in the mist._

"Clary? CLARY? I'LL BE RIGHT THERE!"

_

* * *

_

_These dreams go on when I close my eyes. _

Footsteps, I hear footsteps…

_Every second of the night, I live another life. _

They were here, for real, everyone.

_These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside, _

Frantic screaming, it was so loud.

__

Every moment I'm awake, the further I'm away.

I think I can see Jace… What is he doing with his phone? Texting?

_

* * *

_

_These dreams go on when I close my eyes. _

The paramedics carry me out of the room on a stretcher.

_Every second of the night, I live another life. _

I'll … I'll be okay, Jace. I'll live.

_These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside, _

Please stay with me Jace.

_Every moment I'm awake, the further I'm away._

"Please…"

* * *

**WOW that took me a long time to update. I totally forgot I had stories going on. My apologies. :D virtual cookies for all of you.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello again! I forgot to mention this in the last chappie but the song name is These Dreams by Heart. This one is Cry To Me… also by Heart… because this is a Heart songfic… so… yeah. :D:D**

* * *

I opened my eyes lazily. Everything was hazy at first, but my vision cleared to reveal some very tired faces looking down on me. Izzy, Alec, Jace, and an annoyed Magnus… Glad they all came. I moaned in pain. My head hurt so badly. Ahhhhh. "Don't move," Jace said. "Get some sleep." Thanks for explaining the situation to me, bud. They all left, leaving me here alone. I looked around, curious as to where I was. This looked like a hospital. A _mundane _hospital. What?

The pain set in. Oh, it was terrible. I pressed the button for the nurse to come. She appeared at the door with something that looked like a bottle of medication. "Good sleep? You've been out for quiet awhile." She grinned. "How is the pain?"

"Painful," I muttered. She took poured some pills from the bottle and made me take them. Ugh, I hate taking pills. Everything started to get hazy again and I closed my eyes. I didn't fall asleep though. I just sat in darkness and contemplated my situation with Jace. It really would never work out, would it? I had no future with him, and what I was doing with this whole fantasy thing was a worthless use of time.

-line-

_Poor little dreamer_

The only way I would ever be able to ask him out would be in my dreams…

_Stand inside the door_

He always has someone over. I almost walk into a room and I see them there getting… intimate.

_You can't find the easy rhymes_

I know. It's so complicated.

_Of time you had before_

Why did I go to that stupid club?

* * *

_It hurts my heart so bad_

to see him with another girl…

_Seeing you sigh and shake_

So sad.

_Broken down so low - so sad_

They leave and you don't show any emotion. But I know you're dying inside.

_I can't let you break_

You fall so hard in love.

* * *

_Cry to me - cry to me_

Please come find me!

_You better not hide it_

I won't shoot you down!

_Let it come - let it bleed_

I know you've got lots of baggage.

_I ain't laughing - reach in and get it_

Please come.

_And set it free_

I'll listen.

_Cry to me - cry to me_

I'll be there for you._  
_

_

* * *

__The glass is empty and the wine  
Is bitter on your tongue_

I know you get into alcohol sometimes. You should stop doing that, you know.

_People don't seen wild and fine_

Calm yourself. There is only one girl right for you and you just can't seem to see her…

_Like when you were young_

I'm right here.

* * *

_You're lonesome over a stormy ocean_

You need a real relationship.

_Lost in the rain and wind_

You need to grow up.

_We can clear these clouds away_

I can help you change your ways.

_And feel the sun again._

_

* * *

I must have fell asleep again because when I opened my eyes, everyone was in my room again, just lounging around. My head didn't hurt as much anymore. I could speak. "Hey," I rasped._

"She lives!" Magnus said sarcastically.

"Not funny, Magnus," Alec elbowed him.

"Oh darling, don't worry. She's fine. Aren't you Clary?"

"Just peachy."

I watched as Jace shooed them out of the room. Maybe he had something to tell me. Wait… something to tell me? Like, maybe he likes me? That would be awesome. It won't happen though. That would be stupid.

"Look," he started off. "I know you have feelings for me." Oh no. What is he going to say? "And I need you to know…" OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH. "that I don't have the same feelings." Oh, my gosh. I felt a tear slip down my face.

"Okay, thanks for letting me know," I continued to rasp. I knew this couldn't happen. Not to me. I was so _stupid. _

Jace backed away. "I'm sorry…"

No. You're not.

* * *

**Did ya like it? :D I kind of don't want to end this fic but it appears I need your input - yes I'm looking at YOU - as to the true ending of this story. Leave it here or continue with a crazy plot twist? Your choice!**

**aeromaiden. **


	5. Chapter 5

Hello again, my dear readers… Yes, I know it's been a REALLY long time since I last updated. I'm lazy. But as I was reading through the reviews on what I should do, not only did I decide to continue the story (obviously), but I choose one of your ideas, maybe even two. You will see later on which ideas, although I'm not completely decided if I want Clary and Jace to get together. Hmmmm, let's see what the comments say after this…

And the song is Straight On by Heart!

* * *

I heard the door creak shut as Jace exited the room. I let one more tear slip out before I wiped my eyes, clearing away all of the liquid. Typical life. The boy didn't like me back. There is a time and place for everything. Now was neither the time nor the place to tell me such heart-wrenching news. The emotional ache brought on a physical ache in my head; my temple was pounding painfully by this point. I guess the pain killers didn't last very long… I couldn't fight away the blackness any longer, and succumbed to the welcoming blanket of darkness.

Sometime later, my hearing came back, however the muscles in my face felt so fatigued that I could not bring myself to move them, as with the rest of my body. I heard whispering from across the room where I imagined the gang was sitting, waiting for me to wake up. A new voice entered the audio scene; a woman I could only assume was a nurse. She said something slowly, somewhat regretfully, but I couldn't make it out. I heard muffled cries of "NO!" and "By the Angel…" and a general sobbing coming from that area. My hearing became sharper at that point; classic Clary luck, tune in AFTER the important part. I wonder what was wrong…

"It may be helpful if one of you talked to her for awhile. She may be conscious, and have the capabilities of hearing, but not physically able to move anything," said the nurse. "But she may come out of this as a vegetable." I guess I'd hit my head a little harder than I thought. "We took her in for a scan. There's a splinter lodged inside a tiny crack in her skull. She's going into surgery in a few hours. Say your good-byes now, she may not come out at all."

I wanted so badly to cry, but I could not. I didn't _need_ to cry. Already I had accepted my death without a word. But it just seemed like I_ should_ cry.

Someone shuffled up alongside my bedside and sat down. I felt a weight lean on the side of the mattress. A warm hand grabbed my icy cold fingers and held them close to their chest. They began talking as everyone else ambled out to the lobby. I couldn't quite decipher who it was though…

* * *

_Quite some time, I been sittin' it out_

"You've been out for 24 hours, so far, Clary *gulp*." I felt a tear drip onto my hand.

_Didn't take no chances_

There was a pause. I thought I heard a choked back sob. "I'm so so sorry that you were subjected to this." What were they talking about? Subjected to what? Falling? I did that anyway on my own, no one subjects me to that.

_I was a pris'ner of doubt._

"I know you can get out of this. Please. For me." More tears. A heavy, broken sigh.

_I knocked down the wailin' wall_

They broke down. "Please come back Clary, _please._ I _need _you. I wanted to tell you, I really did. I lied, and I'm so sorry I did." Hmmm? What's this now? I think I know who it is…

_Ain't no sin_

I felt a tear slip out of the corner of my eye. Well, at least that's still working.

_Got the feel of fortune; deal me in_

It's not my time.

* * *

_Comin' straight on for you. You made my mind._

I fought harder to "awaken".

_Now I'm stronger. Now I'm comin' through_

The haze in my brain began to clear away, and the pain replaced it.

_Straight on, straight on for you_

By the Angel, I will come through.

_Straight on for you.  
_

* * *

The person sat by my bedside for a long time after that. They continued to sob uncontrollably and beg me to wake up; it made me feel like I was a dead body of someone's lover, if that makes sense. They brought my hand up to their forehead and took a deep breath and sniffed. "My God," they whispered. "Why did I turn you down?" I knew it… Jace. The silence that followed was agonizing. The only sound was Jace's heavy breathing and sobs. It broke my heart. He eventually calmed down, though.

The nurse came in soon enough to take me into surgery. "Young man, I'm going to have to ask you to wait in the lobby." I listened to his footsteps exiting the room, and with a last whisper of "good luck", he was gone, his footsteps echoing farther and farther down the vacant hallway.

The bed began to move. We passed through doors, lots of them. We finally came to a stop. A bright light was overhead, shining brightly through my eyelids. I suppose this may be the end. I could feel a mask being placed onto my face.

* * *

_Now I know I got to play my hand_

This is only a minor setback. I can get through.

_What the winner don't know, a gambler understands  
My heart keeps playin' it through  
with you, my friend_

If I have your love, and I think I do, I can get through this strong and healthy.

_I'll take my chances on you again and again_

Damn, I'll always love you, Jace.

_Comin' straight on for you. You made my mind_  
_Now I'm stronger. Now I'm comin' through_  
_Straight on, straight on for you_  
_Straight on for you._

All thoughts ceased.


End file.
